This was a hard video for me to post.

Since I've only just begun trying for my second, I felt silly that I was so emotional when the first run didn't take {I realize that I had made an avoidable mistake here...more on that later!}.

After talking to some dear friends, I realized that everyone's journey with trying to conceive, including my own, is important & significant--no matter how long or short, easy or difficult.

Sure, I've always strongly believed this for others--but it was so much harder to convince myself. I felt like my short journey wasn't worthy of being shared. But the feelings are still there. They are still real.

My hope with sharing my story & feelings is that it might spark that little twinge of comfort, optimism, understanding, &/or love that you may need while on the journey to trying to conceive.

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A special thank you to Megan Garcia who provided a world of support to me while I was at a loss as to how I could feel so connected to a baby that "wasn't there".

Megan, your gentle & kind insight is always full of wisdom, truth, & a breath of fresh air. You've helped to form my current outlook on life in more ways than you could know, & this video wouldn't exist without you.

In This Episode:

 

[0:00] - Our baby-makin' background
[0:59] - Remembering the up and downs of trying for a baby
[1:45] - Feeling connected to baby before taking the test
[2:27]
- Why I think I felt connected even though I wasn't pregnant
[3:03]
- Sending love to TTC mamas
[3:51] - Words filled with baby dust

Watch it:

 

Listen to it:

 

Read it:

 

[0:00] Hello and welcome to Mama in the Making, I'm Rochelle Serna and today I just wanted to do a little bit of a journal entry on how I'm feeling, and what's going on in my current experience with the two week wait.

So, as you may or may not know my husband and I have been mindfully preparing for our second baby, just as we did with Vincenzo, not too far from how we regularly live--but just kind of, you know, going in with the mindset that the things that we're doing, the food we're eating, the practices that were partaking in right now are joyfully filled with the excitement for, you know, this coming baby that will be joining us soon.

So we were cleansing and we had planned on waiting a couple more months to start trying, just until past Vincenzos second birthday, but everything was aligning so well and we felt so great that we decided to, on a whim, try earlier than expected.

[0:59] MAN I forgot what that was like.

I remember that feeling, you know, there's so much emotion behind it, and there's so much curiosity. And being so much more in tune with my body this time I really thought that I knew, and I was convinced that I was pregnant!

I mean, I wasn't even charting, I wasn't even like, paying that much attention to what {abrupt end of sentence} I was listening to my body and going with the cues, but I wasn't doing all the things that I did to have Vincenzo and usually would do to make sure I was getting the timing right.

I was just kind of going with the flow and what felt right. But I was convinced that was pregnant, and so those two weeks were really torturous for me because I had made this emotional connection and I felt so confident.

[1:45] And I kept getting negative tests and I just didn't, I was like, "well they don't know. They're cheap ones, they're from the Dollar Tree just so I can get a bunch of em' and I'm sure that I'm pregnant." I knew I was pregnant.

And I think that, you know, the day that I got my period, the day that I realized I wasn't pregnant I still had to, like, sit there and be like,"No, my body knows, like, this is something else, this is just spotting. It'll go away." And I mean it took me a while because I was so sure and connected.

And I just want to say, like, to anybody that experiences those things, um, I don't think--in my experience or in anyone's experience--that when they make that emotional connection in they're so sure that that baby's there, I don't think that they're off.

[2:27] I truly believe, in all the things that I've been learning, and you know, the things that I feel, that that soul is waiting for us. That baby has chosen you, that baby has chosen me, it's waiting to be born into this world at the time that aligns right with its path, and when everything's supposed to work, and so that connection that I made with that baby, and the reason why, on a whim, I decided to, you know, start trying earlier than expected {shoulder shrug} maybe it was because I feel that baby's presence and I'm excited to meet that baby; just like I think that baby is excited to meet me.

[3:03] But i just, you know, I kinda wanted to share how I was feeling. Man, I was disappointed, and I was sad, and I was...I felt silly. Silly for having so much confidence that I was pregnant--I mean like, I knew! I was practically telling people I was pregnant, even though I was getting negative tests.

And I felt silly from being sad from one month, I felt silly from being wrong, I felt an emotional letdown.

And I know that the, life knows what it's doing; the university knows what it's doing, and I have confidence in that.

But I just kind of wanted to like, send hugs and love out to anyone that experiences that two week wait, and to that time when, you know, maybe you realize that that baby's not coming right now.

[3:51] Because I have all the confidence, with every fiber of my being, that that baby will come to you.

That soul will make its way into your life however {circular hand movements} it is meant to come into your life, you know, in which ever way and whatever roads--that baby will meet you.

[4:09] and so, I guess just to keep all of our chins up and to always be happy and confident.

Alright, I will talk soon. Byyyeee {waving}

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To connecting with your baby before you meet them,

Love, Rochelle

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